How to talk to your GP about your child’s behaviour — and ask for a referral

Pillar: Navigating the system

Read time: 6 min read

Many parents spend months — sometimes years — observing their child’s behaviour before they feel ready to speak to a doctor about it. When they finally do, they often feel dismissed, or leave the appointment without the referral they came for.

This isn’t always because the GP is unhelpful. It’s often because describing a child’s behaviour in a ten-minute appointment is genuinely difficult. The child may present differently in a clinical setting. The parent may struggle to articulate what they’re seeing. The GP may not have specialist knowledge in autism or OCD.

A little preparation makes a significant difference. Here’s how to approach the conversation.

Before the appointment

The most useful thing you can do before seeing your GP is write things down. Not a vague description of general concerns — specific observations, with examples.

• What behaviours are you seeing, and how often? Be as specific as possible.
• When did they start? Have they got worse over time?
• How much are they affecting daily life — school, friendships, sleep, family?
• Have there been any changes at home or school that might be relevant?
• What have you tried, and what happened?

Bring this written summary with you. It’s entirely normal — and genuinely helpful — to hand the GP a piece of paper rather than trying to remember everything under pressure.

What to say

Be direct about what you’re asking for. Many parents feel awkward about naming a specific concern in case they’re wrong. You don’t need to be right — you need to be heard.

“I’ve been observing these behaviours for some time, they’re affecting my child’s daily life, and I’d like a referral to CAMHS for an assessment,” or simply “how do I get a CAMHS referral?”

If you’re concerned about both autism and OCD, say so. These are different referral pathways in some areas, and the GP may need to think about which is most appropriate first.

If you feel dismissed

GPs are generalists. Some will know a great deal about neurodevelopmental conditions and childhood anxiety disorders. Others will have limited experience. If you feel your concerns aren’t being taken seriously:

• Ask specifically: “What would need to be present for a referral to be appropriate?”
• Request that your concerns are documented in your child’s notes
• Ask to speak to a different GP at the same practice
• Contact your local CAMHS service directly — in many areas, self-referral is possible
• Ask your child’s school SENCO for a supporting letter describing what they observe

You are not being difficult. You are advocating for your child. Persistence is appropriate and often necessary.

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This post is part of the Lumara guide series for parents. Lumara Screen is an evidence-informed online screening tool for parents concerned about repetitive behaviours, rituals, or routines in their child. Free to complete — full personalised report £7.99.

Ready to understand what you’re seeing? The Lumara screening tool takes around 10 minutes to complete and gives you a personalised report you can share with your GP or specialist. Free to start — full report £7.99.